To spank or not to spank is the question that I am sure is on a lot of parents of "toddlers/pre-schoolers" minds. Well let me not speak for anyone else, but I know it was and sometimes is at moments definitely a thought in my mind. Especially when my daughter was btwn the ages of 2 and 3.5, I wavered back and forth with the decision of "corporal punishment" in the sense of spanking my daughter. Growing up, my siblings and I would absolutely get whoppings and spankings when we were out of line or doing "something bad", a quick pop on the behind or glaring stare from mama and you automatically knew you better stop immediately what you were doing that was not making mommy happy and get yourself together or else...... It's funny, before I had my daughter, I used to speak all bold, loud, and clearly with no prior experience how I would do this or do that once I had children, spanking being one of the those things I would automatically do. However something interesting happened, once I had my daughter the thought of hitting or spanking her I couldn't really see or wrap my head around doing it. Through the course of her different stages or rather growing pains, she has most definitely challenged, frustrated, triggered, and ignited my anger but something in my mind clicks and I am thinking "I am going to hit her to teach her not to hit or do whatever it is I want her to learn and/or stop doing"....... It just didn't and doesn't make sense to me.
Not to step on anyone's toes and/or shame another mother nor make her feel bad (including my mom) who wants to discipline her children a certain way, everyone has a choice and you should follow what feels right to you. Although being disciplined sometimes by way of spanking when I was younger was my experience, that doesn't mean I have to nor need to repeat it and/or that be my daughters experience. I figured out earlier on, her spirit is different than mine as a child and she doesn't call forth spanking. Also our situations as children are very different, I was raised by a single mother who provided an amazing suburban, slightly sheltered, loving childhood for me and my siblings by busting her ass, grinding, putting herself back in school getting a masters, etc.... to provide that amazing life and she didn't have time to explain nor go through any extra steps, we needed to know and know quickly what was expected of us and behave, period.
Let me be clear, I don't have a problem disciplining my daughter in other ways, I just don't feel secure nor good inside spanking her. When I get to that level of frustration, it's up to me to find better ways to manage and handle my stress. I am always telling my daughter to use her words and don't get frustrated, shouldn't I do the same? What's the old saying, "do as I say, not as I do" however more than 50% of communication is non-verbal. Though this is the road less traveled, it is one I have been sticking to and working out along the journey of motherhood. Low and less stress for mama is always good, when mommy is ok, everyone is ok. I would love to hear your stories and how you all navigate this crazy ride called "being a mom".
