MAMACARE MONDAY

For a while I have had this topic in my head, on my heart, and in my Que of post that I have been meaning to publish for some time now.  However it either never seemed to be the right time and/or I wasn't quite sure how I would introduce the topic without avoiding offending any of my mommy friends black, white, other, and who might take this story the wrong way once I revealed my perspective and take-away from the experience.  As life would have it due to a recent situation occurring with with my daughter at her summer camp this year subsequently has been fuel to this fire, that I could no longer hold my tongue.



With that said, my daughter informed me very casually this week when I picked her up from camp that there was an older girl in one of the other camp classes that told her she "hated her hair, and didn't like her skin" so you can imagine my shock, horror, sadness, and a barrage of feelings at this point that I am trying to contain and/or keep under wraps as I try to extract more information from her to fully grasp what she just told me.  Not to mention hearing this for a second time as she told me maybe a week 1/2 earlier that an older boy told her he didn't like nor think her skin was pretty?  As she continues with the current story and I find out that not only this was said to her but apparently she and this little girl were asked to go to the principles office where the issue was discussed, sorted out, and as my daughter explained to me "they are friends again"WHAH???? The immediate questions that ran through my head:

1. First I am appalled that my five year old not only had to hear such harsh and mean words but that she was asked to go to the office and I wasn't informed by the school/camp??
2. Second, do I need to be concerned and worried about my daughters self image and is it dangerous and/or wise to let her continue to play with dolls that don't look like her nor represent her beauty?

You might be wondering why I asked myself the second question, well as I did some more investigation speaking with the school's director early the following morning, conversing with my other fellow mommies whose children are in her class, and asking her directly, what I discovered shocked me even more....So it turns out that this older girl that said this to my daughter might not exist according to the director? She couldn't find her in the camp roster when she looked her name up and no child was sent nor asked to come to the principles office that day.  However there is an older girl in that other class who is not being very nice to my daughters class as a "group", not necessarily singling my daughter out, telling them as a whole they don't belong in their classroom when they come to share the room with them during lunch time and when camp is ending. Somewhere in this story is the truth and something is going on because according to some of my daughters other classmates there was a little girl who is older than them being asked to go to the office because she got in trouble, however it wasn't the same name of the girl my daughter told me? At the end of the day my take-away from this is that my baby-girl is struggling with her own images of beauty and starting to identify, compare, and contrast how she think she looks in regards to her closest friends whom she plays with everyday in camp that do not look like her....



 One important question I did ask was to get to the source of all of this chaos was "why?" say this if its not entirely true? Although I do believe my child to some degree as stated prior, that there is definitely something going on when these classes merge during certain points during the day, however I question why she decided to talk about her skin and hair? Is there an underlying issue that I am missing and not giving enough attention to?  Especially seeing as I thought I was doing things right and on the correct path by buying her baby dolls that reflect how she looks, hair, skin, etc... yet what she is gravitating towards is the alternative. So when I asked her again why she said what she said, she told me that she wanted a ponytail that hangs down. I sooooo didn't want to have to deal with and have this conversation with her so early on but honestly look what is around her in her community and what she sees everyday, how could I avoid it? Most importantly, how do I navigate this conversation? teaching her self-love by excluding others, essentially telling her its okay to have her friends who are white but not play with those dolls, only black? If I am being honest, sounds a bit hypocritical to me.  Looks like what I was trying to avoid is becoming her reality, so I ask myself this question now....What's the next step?

Through this experience I realized that the way I was raised and what I was taught, is worlds apart and different from how my daughter is being raised.  What also has become clear is that I can and will continue to support and positively affirm her beauty as we do our daily affirmations in the mirror reciting: "I am beautiful, I am smart, I am safe, I am loving, I am a child of God" but most importantly giving her the tools and guidance she needs to navigate through these developmental milestones A.K.A growing pains, and understanding this is part of her journey and cross to bear.  At this age it is normal for children to start questioning and investigating boundaries of gender, looks, hair, the opposite sex, etc... so I figure my daughter is on par with her development no matter how uncomfortable and sad it makes me feel. One thing for sure, I will still continue to love this little munchkin and help her through.  Remember mamas take care of yourselves so you can continue to take care of others.......until next Monday!